When Will I Be Enough?

Why would I smile,

You took away everything from me

My happiness my trust

On the brink of insanity here I stand

Waiting for you to bring me back

Tell me I'm enough

Because deep down you deserve better

And my head would look much better served on a platter than on my body

I know you read nothing that I write 

I want you  more than anything else I want you

I love you

But I'll never be enough or anything for you. I hope when I sleep today hoping I never wake up. 

I woke up again, again cursing my luck for being alive another day

While I waste my life away 

Everything I will ever do, I have ever done

Amounts to nothing because I lost that one fucking chance

Maybe I deserve all of this, I am not a son to be proud of 

I have made a million mistakes 

She wanted to eat choco lava cakes at 11 in the night in nahan 

I still managed to get two for her

She missed home

I brought her home to her

She was hungry at 3 in the morning

I brought her bananas

Stayed up hungry all day then 

Because I am out of money

Paying my debts (25,873)

My efforts, neither my talents, nor my skills matter

I am a failure

I will remain one 

Because I lost her

The one thing I truly wanted in this world

I lost

I am a loser 

A nobody.

I'm worthless

I can't even stop crying

I am alive because I want my parents to be at least proud of me once 

I'm just paying for my sins

Some day I will run out of roads to run on 

That day I'll lose

None of it is her fault,

It's all mine

I'll never be good enough

I'll never be hers

I fulfilled every fucking promise she wanted

I stopped bhenchod maal it was so fucking hard

Why am I trying?

A loser will remain a loser